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Birth Control Issues - Uterus Talk!

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Quick excuse - I haven't blogged in two weeks, returned emails, etc because I have no internet at home due to a fault which will hopefully get fixed tomorrow. I'm hardly getting by with my phone and occasional Instagram updates. Fingers crossed it all gets fixed soon because I have some serious blogging and Real Housewives episodes to catch up on. Anyways...

High five if you have a uterus!

Yay! Hooray for wombs! Now let's talk about shutting one down for an extended period of time...


After I last gave birth I requested that any semi-trained medical staff member shoot me up immediately with their most potent birth control substance. I ended up laying on the hospital bed with  my head turned away from the doctor holding the scalpel as he inserted a tiny tube of Implanon in my arm. I thought it was great because I wouldn't have to worry about taking daily pills and knowing that it stays in your arm for three years is a pretty sweet deal.

But after a month or more of constant bleeding (which thankfully subsided eventually before I bled to death) I now find myself piling on weight when I shouldn't be. I've been eating relatively better and exercising more yet no weight is coming off and instead I find myself actually putting more on. I started noticing my clothes were becoming tighter so I stepped on the scales and recoiled in horror at the six kilo increase. Ok, maybe two of those could be cake related but seriously... this hormonal change the medicine is making in my body is dangerous. 

And then there is the dryness. For as long as I can remember I have always had oily skin but since using Implanon my skin has changed. It's now super dry, even a little flaky, my scalp is dry, my hands and face look and feel older because of the loss of moisture, my skin texture has changed - basically I hate what it has done to me.  I now have the skin of a saggy old Eastern European chain smoker. It aint good. 

I can't take it anymore and plan to get the damn thing taken out of my arm ASAP even if I have to cut it out myself with a magnet and a pitchfork. Question is though - what birth control method to use? I definitely do not want anymore kids so some form of the stuff is needed. Chastity Belt? Castration? Menopausal rain dance? Disembowelment... no that's going too far...

What medication or method do you suggest using? Have you had problems in the past with any specific type of birth control? 

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