I had converted to Islam when I was previously married and on the day I converted I remember looking at my husband at the time and basically thinking "this will not do". I was serious about being Muslim and even though he was one as well he wasn't practising and further more refused to practice. The alcohol and the women on the side (that I found out about afterwards... grrr) and the drugs and the gambling and the lying and the hurtful deceitfulness were far too attractive for him to give up for a religious, simple life with me. Before we married the things I knew about him didn't bother me so much but as I became interested in Islam they started to weigh heavily on my mind.
I didn't want a life like that. Not for myself, not for my future. I wanted someone who was serious about their religion so they could help guide me in my own spiritual journey. I wanted someone to stand beside me not just in a physical sense but in a moral and supportive sense as well. So I converted with him by my side and then left his the next day. No regrets, no doubts. I moved on knowing a life with him wouldn't be satisfying or fulfilling in any sense, regardless of religion. I expected to wake up day after day, heart broken. I was waiting to feel defeated. It never happened. Surprisingly some days I actually woke up with a literal smile on my face. I felt so at peace despite walking away from someone I loved while at the same time having to put with shit from family and friends after finding out I had become Muslim.
I told myself that at age twenty-two I didn't need, nay want, another man and I was going to finish university and go overseas to travel and experience the world and then maybe think about settling down again ten years later when my thirties rocked up. But that didn't happen. Sometimes you make plans for yourself but God has other, better ones in store for you.
Six months after converting I met someone online. Within a week I was blown away by how honest he was. After giving myself over to someone who ended up being a massive liar, I had come to the conclusion that honest men didn't exist. I stopped believing in the possibility and simply classed all men as a bother I didn't need. He changed that perception.
Every day for a week we spoke on the phone for hours. I remember our first phone call lasting six hours. I don't even know what the hell we talked about but talk we did. We didn't sleep. 4 am, on the phone. 6 am, on the phone. 1 pm as I caught the bus home, we were on the phone. After a week of nothing but speech we decided to marry. It wasn't a case of a proposal. The question wasn't asked. There was no jewellery involved. We just came to the conclusion that this was going to happen.
That weekend I flew over to the other side of Australia to meet and marry the man I would end up calling my husband. I didn't care what he looked like. I didn't care what he did for a living. I didn't care how smart he was, what he did for leisure, what interested him, how he saw the world, if he wanted kids, etc. All that mattered was that he was honest and a good person and I really felt that he was.
I'm not a gullible, naive person. I'm pretty clued on when it comes to the nature of people and I tend to see through a lot of the crap that people present in order to portray themselves a certain way. With him I just knew he was who he said he was... a no bullshit kind of person who said what he thought no matter the consequences, all in the name of truthfulness. I liked that about him and I needed someone like that in my life.
I remember during our week of talking coming to the realisation that this is the person I need by my side and while he was yapping away on the phone to me I silently pleaded with God to let me have him after tossing up between trying this marriage thing again so soon or delaying it in order to "live my life" and perhaps miss out on the chance on finding that rare honest, devoted husband later on in life when I had decided it was time. I made a leap of faith that I have never regretted.
Fast forward to the present day and we have added two kids to our little family (a third currently inhabiting my womb) and are still going strong despite the ups and downs that all couples go through - you know... those days were you find yourself thinking "Argh, I could kick you in the face right now!" but instead of venting out with violence you just go and attack the fridge with your teeth. Oh the sandwiches I have hurt...
I've never regretted any decision I have made when it comes to relationships but the best one has to be deciding to spend my life with someone based on a certain character trait instead of the usual "falling in love" and putting up with the hurt because of love. I never thought in my life I would have married for anything less than love (quite a Western notion now that I think about it) and gone into an arranged marriage. I really feel like mine was arranged (although the difference being that it was arranged by myself and him). In a way it was quite business like but the love came incredibly fast and strong. Alhamdulilah.
We got married in a local mosque. No wedding, no party, no guests, no family, no gifts. No white dress or feast afterwards. Just me, him, a couple of sheikhs and some random witnesses at the mosque after Isha prayer one night. It was so simple and straight to the point. I didn't even get wedding rings until a few years later. The lack of excess never bothered me. What was important was the relationship itself and the foundations it was built on.
We all get married for a variety of reasons - love, companionship, money, status, family, lifestyle, etc. I'm curious as to what made you marry your spouse? Was there anything in particular that clinched the union for you?