You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.
How you dress should be a personal thing but for a lot of us it's not. I found before I wore hijab no one gave a shit as to how I dressed. Short skirt, long skirt, cleavage out, cleavage covered, heels, flats... no one ever once said anything about my attire beyond a "Oh I like what you're wearing. Where did you get it from?"
Wear a scarf on your head and all of a sudden the wolves are out to eat you, coming from both sides of the divide. Some non-Muslims (who clearly have no real understanding of Islam) attack you for being brainwashed, oppressed, pitiful, etc. Something to be saved and freed from the shackles of a male dominated religion that they ignorantly claim to know everything about. Some Muslims on the other hand analyse every part of your outfit and look for signs of perceived indecency:
All of a sudden your flared, loose pants are too tight.
Someone over there thinks you shouldn't even wear pants.
Holy crap, no you are not wearing a skirt! Heaven forbid!
I can see your fingers! Shame!
You're wearing a belt around your waist? Why?!
Sister, you shouldn't wear colour. It attracts the men... and the seagulls.
I can hear your bracelet tinkling. You're haram.
Hair = Hell. You just bought your ticket, hussy.
Ah... unless you plan on wearing a thick, opaque black garbage bag from the head down with a couple of slits so you can breathe through your nose you are not coming into my home!
Please put some socks on under your sandals. Your feet skin offends me.
I'm not making fun of the Islamic aspects of modesty. It's the people who claim to be a follower of our shared religion who think it is their sole mission on earth to destroy the inner soul of others by defeating and beating it down with criticism. These people take the fun out of wearing hijab. I know so many women who have chosen to stop wearing hijab and the main reason why they do it is the criticism they face from others for "never getting it right". Berating someone never brings out their best.
As a blogger and a person, I've only ever once in my life had someone truly come to me out of concern and tell me my dress wasn't appropriate. It was one of the first times I had ever prayed in a mosque and being a new Muslim with absolutely no support from anyone else I of course had no idea yet about what was indeed appropriate for a mosque. As I stood for prayer my top reached down to just above my knees. It was the longest top I owned. As I went down on my knees for sujood and bent forward the top naturally rode up, exposing my lower back for the row behind me to me. I didn't even notice but the lady behind me did and in an ever so sweet demeanour she very gently let me know that my top wasn't long enough for prayer. As someone who quite easily gets defensive when attacked I didn't feel at all rubbed the wrong way. I went home thankful for the advice and next time I went to that mosque I had something more appropriate ready.
Every other time someone has said anything to me (of course online) it has been in a state of criticism, negativity, childishness and nastiness. And to be honest, most of the time I don't even see their point of view. When it comes down to it we all have very different ideas and interpretations on how certain things in our religion should be practiced. That's the beauty of Islam - we are not an army of robots - we are a collective group of people spread throughout the world following a religion with hearts that belong to a myriad of different cultures and climates. We are not meant to be the same as each other.
For someone to be completely covered in niqab, gloves and abaya isn't my idea of a good time but more power to you if that is your idea of modesty. Same goes for all the others who choose to dress differently to how I or anyone else dresses.
We go on and on to others in protest about how hijab is a choice for us and yet after we finish yelling down at those who ignorantly judge us from a non-Muslim point of view we then begin to ignorantly judge those fellow hijabies around us for choosing to wear hijab in the way that they see fit. It's a massive hypocrisy.
Just yesterday I was reading a Facebook discussion based around an anti-skinny jeans with hijab poster. One man decided that girls who wear skinny jeans are sluts. I was gobsmacked. All the other men and women on the forum naturally disagreed with him but it didn't change his point of view. Where did that ridiculous conclusion come from? How do form fitting pants dictate sexual activity?
I checked out his profile to see if he was even Muslim (he was) and saw pics of him and his wife - her long hair half covered with a scarf. For many that image isn't ideal and people with a similar mentality to his would have words to say about his wife. Would he like it? No. Would he agree to people word bashing his wife? Never. Yet it's fine for him to do the same to others. It made my blood boil.
This is what it is like to be Muslim these days. No wonder it is so tough for women to be proud of what they are when everyone and their dog has something to say about it. So many people claim that it is hard to raise Muslim children in the West because of the differing values and distractions but I think that argument is completely null and void when our own community is slowly going down the sinkhole due to our own misguided perceptions and values. Women should be valued for their hearts and their minds, not their bodies... that's the whole point of hijab. Yet here we are negatively focused so much on what goes onto these bodies and how it is never good enough.
I used to think "Argh, you can't win" before I realised that winning and losing is only imperative when you are playing a game or partaking in a competition of some sort. Deciding not to participate is not only easier, it is also sane-saving. So you think I don't dress appropriately to your standards? I'm not covered enough or I'm too covered? There's the door, honey. Take your opinions with you. I didn't ask for them and I never will.
I passed the point long ago where I got sick of defending myself and my choices to those who didn't like what I wore. It's far easier to focus on the positive. The times a non-Muslim has stopped me in the street or mall just to tell me I looked elegant, they liked my scarf or the way I dressed were really empowering. It truly is fantastic to have someone who might not understand why you dress the way you dress and doesn't need to say anything to you at all stop you in your tracks to share words of positivity. I just wish all Muslims could be like this because it seems our biggest opposition at times is ourselves.
I passed the point long ago where I got sick of defending myself and my choices to those who didn't like what I wore. It's far easier to focus on the positive. The times a non-Muslim has stopped me in the street or mall just to tell me I looked elegant, they liked my scarf or the way I dressed were really empowering. It truly is fantastic to have someone who might not understand why you dress the way you dress and doesn't need to say anything to you at all stop you in your tracks to share words of positivity. I just wish all Muslims could be like this because it seems our biggest opposition at times is ourselves.